Taking a Time Out from Anger

By Daniel W. Trathen, D. Min. Ph. D.

Anger is a common yet mysterious emotion. We see its effect everyday. As life gets more stressful there is less time to recoup and relax. Many aspects of life are demanding more time as our energy levels decrease. Everyone seems to be on the fast track, but many have more blowouts. Our frustration levels are higher, but what are we doing to understand, manage and control this energizing yet potentially dangerous emotion?

Not unlike other feelings, anger has physical components. Have you ever "seen red?" You may not have noticed that your blood pressure was increasing. When people get mad they experience an increase in energy. Increased levels of anger can interfere with sound judgment and can contribute to the escalation of emotions or even physical violence. This increased energy behind the wheel of a car or in disagreements is dangerous. Contrary to what we may tell ourselves, we are not in control of our emotions when they are in control of us.

Anger is also comprised of other emotions. For instance, when our kids are loud and running around the house after we’ve had a hard day at the office we may be frustrated with the lack of quiet and respond with an angry look or tone. If our husband or wife is driving and the car drifts into another lane, we might yell at them out of fear of getting in an accident. Or, we may have been hurt by a friend or parent and responded in anger. Some professionals believe that anger is a secondary emotion and it is a composite of more primary emotions like frustration, fear, and hurt. Our anger response is a developed pattern that can be changed as we focus more on the primary feelings. Contrary to popular opinion, free expression or venting of anger doesn't help us or others.

The key is distracting the emotion long enough to regain control. I was reminded of this principle several years ago while visiting a relative who raised hogs. We were standing near their pens when we were interrupted by the noise of fighting pigs. We ran over to them as I watched him hop into the pen and shove a piece of board between them. In several seconds he removed the board as he got out of the pen. As we continued our discussion he told me that pigs would forget they were angry with one another if the can’t see each other for a few seconds. I coined this "the pig board" approach and recommend it as a way to take a time out from our anger or the situation until cooler heads prevail.