Don’t Lose Your Marbles--Take Your Bearings

Several years ago, I was in the Navy, and our ship was sailing from Newport, R. I. to Boston.  The quickest route was not to go around Cape Cod but to sail through the Cape Cod Canal.  For those unfamiliar with the canal, it is a narrow body of water separating Cape Cod from the rest of Massachusetts and connected by two bridges.  To safely sail a large ship through this narrow waterway the captain must use radar as well as coordinated visual sightings by the crew.  As these findings are compiled, the quartermaster can chart the exact location of the ship in the canal and keep it on course.  For the sailor, this is a constant process of taking the coordinates or bearings.  Taking course bearings is as important to sailors as it is to all of us in life.  It is the process of gaining a proper perspective.  If you don’t take your bearings, you could “lose your marbles.”

 There are two basic ways to take bearings in life.  One is passive, and the other is active.  Let me explain.  Both ways of coping are learned and can be relearned.  The passive approach carries over into our ways of coping.  If, for example, we are struggling with sadness, hurt, frustration, anger, or depression, we tend to internalize these negative emotions, and through this “head in the sand” approach, we make ourselves feel worse. Passive individuals who experience conflict seek to avoid the situation that produced it in the first place.  Unresolved negative emotions tend to strangle our health and happiness.  When these emotions are allowed to control our rational and objective thinking, they in turn, lead to further negative thinking, reduced feelings of confidence, and finally to depression.  The person who copes passively always blames themselves and assumes they are the cause of the problem.  If such subjective self-punishment continues, it tends to become generalized and leads to toxicity that permeates the personality.  Such a person might become increasingly obsessed with these feelings and seek to cope by relying too much on others for their happiness, or they may cope by overeating, drinking, oversleeping, and generally dropping out of life.  Either way, they tend to lose our way and can easily run aground.

 When difficult times come upon us, those who passively cope become overwhelmed with the problem, and they don’t even think of solutions.  Their thinking becomes distorted, and their feelings become like quicksand as they sink deeper and deeper.  A person who decides to cope with this approach has near-sighted vision.  They cannot see the “forest for the trees” or see beyond their problem.  They can only see close up and have a hard time getting their bearings.  Negative feelings and past negative memories tend to be pulled together like metal filings around a magnet.  Coupled with this, if we have been blessed with an overactive imagination, we can become overly worried, fearful, panicky, and hysterical.  Again, this passive coping style becomes reinforced, and it grows stronger.  Some people actually say that they feel like they are “losing their marbles”! However, when we live not by fear, but through the “long view” of where we want to go and take bearings or stock of our strengths, as well as make healthy choices based on hope, we are coping more actively.

 Furthermore, the person who displays an active approach walks through life’s circumstances with a sense of hope and thankfulness.  Rather than enlarging the problem in their minds, they tend to keep things in perspective by clear thinking and doing problem solving through seeking to find solutions to the issues.  They keep their “bow” into the wind of the storm, making sure of their bearings and staying focused on a more positive result. They tend to be people of faith in themselves and their strengths.  One way they keep their bearings is by mentally rehearsing their memories of other difficult life circumstances and how they have faced them.  They stay more peaceful through remembering what the other outcomes were and how they coped in the crisis.  These are “far-sighted” people who focus on the “long-view” and are not overly discouraged by the obstacles in life.  They spend less time blaming or feeling sorry for themselves and more time on finding solutions to the obstacles.  

 They challenge themselves to be in control and stay at the helm of their lives through keeping a proper perspective. They stay in the middle of the canal by seeing circumstances as learning opportunities, or tests of character not to be avoided, but dealt with.  They realize that they have a choice, either we deal with the problems in life or they will deal with us.  Coping actively with life’s opportunities can lead and produce growth in our character and emotions.  Remember, proper perspective produces peace. So, don’t lose you marbles-take your bearings!

© Dr. Daniel W. Trathen